I Am A Horny Teenage Boy

I recently spoke to a man in his fifties who expressed relief that much of his sex drive had left him. He said that only once his libido eased off, did he realize he had gone through his entire adult life with a metaphorical hard-on, letting it govern all his decisions like a weather vane.…

40 Things I Learned About Sex At Forty

1. Sex gets SO much better even if you enjoyed it plenty as a dumb teenager. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? 2. Masturbation is a benevolent G-d’s greatest gift to humanity. How much more proof of intelligent design is there than the co-creation of genitals, hands and fingers? (Medical silicone sex toys are more proof…

The MILF Code Manifesto

Additional guidelines for being a Mom You’d Like To Fuck; whether or not anyone else is. DON’T… 1. Sex up the neighbors, you’ll have to walk past them again for eternity once you both realize just how lonely you must have gotten for that particular choice. 2. Mess around with your kids’ friends, even if…

The MILF Code

1. Thou shalt be true to thine own desires always, except when kids need dinner. Then thine desires briefly have to wait. 2. Thou need’st to fuck anyone thou find’st repulsive. For nary a reason. (If this be thy legally wedded husband, this might give thee pause.) 3. Thou shalt not fuck another woman’s husband.…

10 Signs You Are Not Needy

1. You don’t have anyone blocked on your phone, email or social media. Anyone who calls or texts you, you can handle it without getting hurt, emotional or spun out. (Now might be the time to let you know my blocked caller list exceeds 100.) 2. You throw birthday parties without any stress; people will…

10 Signs You Are Needy

You… 1. Obsessively check Facebook to see who is currently online and keep messaging them until they respond. Even if it takes days, they have to respond eventually right? Or maybe they don’t have messenger? Or stepped away from the computer? Are they dead- where did poor Suzy go, should we call somebody? 2. Over-share…

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