I’m Getting Married Again

I wanted you guys to be the first to know. Despite all I’ve reported to you, the fucking, the sucking and assorted other fun/questionable behaviors, I’ve been in a long term relationship forever, we just weren’t exclusive. This soulmate sat patiently by and watched me do what I needed to, to get past the marriage,…

The Male/Female Dating Decoder

Confused about dating? Can’t catch a break? Are cobwebs accumulating on your special parts? This might be why: there is an irritating lack of transparency when men and women talk to each other. Everybody appears to be speaking in a kind of Morse Code for Dummies, tapping out their secrets between holiday-themed Starbucks lattes. Just…

Hot Sex Tips For The Holidays

Hey ladies and also the menz, do you want to make your partner scream “ho ho ho!” this holiday season, and not in a gross, name-calling way? It seems like you can’t approach this time of year without the ever-present jingles playing whenever you need to buy underwear, crazy hype trying to force you to…

My Pussy Is On Vacation

I packed my pussy a bag and sent her on a holiday. She was looking tired, by turns neglected and over-worked, and I figured she needed a break. “Take your time,” I reassured her, “Don’t hurry back.” She backed away slowly, then sidestepped out the door with her Louis Vuitton luggage, and now I don’t…

Fool Me Once, Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me, Fool Me Twenty More Times We Probably Dated

I’m throwing myself a giant pity party and you are all invited. I’m using all the finest china and silverware, white linen table cloths- nothing but the best. The food will be rich delicious (preferably sugary) and the beverages superb- all haute cuisine for my misery. In fact I have been in it for days…

The One That Got Away

It’s a quaint old-timey expression; that person in your past whom you thought you would be with “forever,” but then a confluence of circumstances conspired to keep you apart, and now here you are alone, or with a real-life partner, but still pining over that “one.” This idea has always made me think of having…

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 611 other followers