The MILF Code Manifesto

Additional guidelines for being a Mom You’d Like To Fuck; whether or not anyone else is. DON’T… 1. Sex up the neighbors, you’ll have to walk past them again for eternity once you both realize just how lonely you must have gotten for that particular choice. 2. Mess around with your kids’ friends, even if…

The MILF Code

1. Thou shalt be true to thine own desires always, except when kids need dinner. Then thine desires briefly have to wait. 2. Thou need’st to fuck anyone thou find’st repulsive. For nary a reason. (If this be thy legally wedded husband, this might give thee pause.) 3. Thou shalt not fuck another woman’s husband.…

10 Signs You Are Not Needy

1. You don’t have anyone blocked on your phone, email or social media. Anyone who calls or texts you, you can handle it without getting hurt, emotional or spun out. (Now might be the time to let you know my blocked caller list exceeds 100.) 2. You throw birthday parties without any stress; people will…

10 Signs You Are Needy

You… 1. Obsessively check Facebook to see who is currently online and keep messaging them until they respond. Even if it takes days, they have to respond eventually right? Or maybe they don’t have messenger? Or stepped away from the computer? Are they dead- where did poor Suzy go, should we call somebody? 2. Over-share…

The Sex Cure

Hysterical Victorian women may have been prescribed the vibrator, but sometimes skin is better. Here I was spending thousands on therapy- trauma shmauma- when the truth is I am never unhappy with a dick in my mouth. And that is neither a metaphor, nor a political statement. I come to serve. Semper Fi.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 628 other followers